_By Edgar Gabarinocheka_
Your Honour, members of the jury, lovers of football and logic — We convene today to hear The People vs. Hatichadi Rovers, a club that has stormed out claiming the game is “too dirty.” They say they have resigned on principle. I say they’ve resigned on schedule — the moment results stopped favouring them.
*Exhibit A — Of Pots and Kettles*
Your Honour, let us not pretend amnesia. Only last season, others whispered that Hatichadi Rovers had been greasing palms and performing those mystical touch-line shenanigans they now condemn. Back then, the silence from Gweru was louder than a vuvuzela in a library.
Now the same choir returns, hymnbooks reversed, suddenly preaching righteousness. When victory smiled, the system was “fine.” When defeat arrived, the system “stinks.”
*Exhibit B — The Media They Didn’t Read*
They say journalists have “kept quiet.” I object, Your Honour — on grounds of falsehood.
If Hatichadi Rovers read beyond their own press statements, they would know the media has been sweating ink.
Who exposed that shameful episode where a team almost used a bus to ferry an injured player to hospital?
Who called out that referee who pointed for a corner when a Hatichadi defender handled in the box against Chapungu?
Who has condemned bad officiating in both the Central Region and Premier Soccer League?
It was the media, Your Honour.
But note: reporters called out poor officiating — they did not cry “corruption.” Because unlike Toenda Nebhora Redu FC, they understand that in journalism, accusation without evidence is slander with punctuation.
*Exhibit C — The Holy War on Donated Kits*
Now to this sudden crusade against donated kits.
Has generosity become a crime, Your Honour?
Hatichadi Rovers claim kit donations are suspicious. By that logic, when a Good Samaritan helps a man in the ditch, we must call ZACC to investigate the donkey.
The same donor company has given to hospitals and schools. Are thermometers corrupt too?
At this level of football, poverty is not breaking news; it’s a permanent headline. We hear that just recently a team even slept in Gweru on Hatichadi’s tab. So when they foot the bill it’s “kindness,” but when others give jerseys it’s “suspicious”?
*Exhibit D — The Serial Quitter Syndrome*
Your Honour, Hatichadi Rovers have a medical condition — chronic resignation disorder.
As newcomers to the Premier Soccer League, they once refused to play CAPS United at Mandava because their chosen ground lacked approval. They’ve now refused football altogether.
Their *Mourner in Chief*, history shows, has quit more things than a New Year’s resolution list — even a tertiary education job, Your Honour. This is not conviction; it is consistency in cowardice.
*Exhibit E — Bad Refereeing Is a Global Export*
They behave as if Zimbabwe patented poor officiating.
I direct the court to Chelsea vs Barcelona (2009) — four penalties denied, yet Chelsea didn’t quit UEFA.
Arsenal 2023–24 — VAR nightmares weekly, but they stayed.
England vs Germany 2010 — Lampard’s ball crossed the line and was waved away. England didn’t leave FIFA; they invented VAR.
So, Your Honour, let Hatichadi watch those games in their new spare time. Maybe they’ll learn that big teams complain, but they don’t pack their nets and go home.
*Exhibit F — Who Owns a Club?*
A football club is not private property; it’s community heritage.
When old men at the helm withdraw “their” team, it is not the system they punish — it is the fans, the players, the vendors, and the children who saved lunch money for a ticket.
Ask the ghosts of Shabanie Mine, Gwanda Ramblers, and Monomotapa — when owners quit, towns lose their pride, youths lose purpose, and another dusty pitch falls silent.
*Exhibit G — The Players as Collateral Damage*
To the players now stranded by this stunt: know your rights.
Under the Diarra ruling of October 2024, when a club withdraws, that’s just cause to terminate your contract.
You can walk away free, sign elsewhere, and FIFA can’t block your ITC.
Contact your national union. Don’t let your careers perish because management caught a mood swing.
*Exhibit H — Defamation: The Law Still Applies on Facebook Live*
Your Honour, reputations were sprayed like shrapnel during that one-hour Facebook Pressmourning — referees, Hardrock FC, Gokwe North FC, ZIFA officials, journalists (except, of course, the pampered few from Chronicle).
Under Zimbabwean law, defamation is any false statement that injures reputation. Reckless speech qualifies. Damages can be sought.
So to the maligned: don’t trade posts; trade summonses.
*Final Verdict*
Your Honour, this is not a case of moral protest; it’s a case of emotional bankruptcy.
Hatichadi Rovers did not leave football because it’s dirty — they left because they can’t stand soap.
They are not reformers; they are drama students in extra time.
They confuse attention for integrity, tantrum for principle, and microphones for evidence.
So I rest my case.
In the grand court of football, as in life:
Those who cry “foul!” too often are usually the ones who stopped playing football.
Court adjourned. Gavel down. Curtain closed.
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Zimbabwe Anti-Corruption Commission (ZACC) – Toll-free 08010101 (NetOne) Land: +263242254912/3/4/5
