Ban the kombi. Crush the mushika-shika. Save us all from this national suicide mission.
Fellow survivors of Zimbabwe’s daily demolition derby, let’s speak honestly: stepping onto a Zimbabwean road these days is equal to volunteering for organ donation. Parliament has confirmed it — 85% of our road accidents are caused by human beings. Not potholes. Not cows. Us. The same people who pray for travelling mercies, then drive like they have a death wish and an insurance payout waiting.
But if you want to understand real danger, follow a kombi along any urban road at 6pm. That experience alone will make you see the value of repentance. You will start texting your family group chat like it’s your final testimony.
This week, after listening to the dignified lamentations of the Parliamentary Transport Committee chairman, I an unwilling stuntman on Zimbabwe’s roads, have reached a simple conclusion:
We must ban the mushika-shika and retire the kombi system to the museum of national misadventures.
Mushika-shika vehicles are not cars. They are torpedoes in civilian clothing. These things overtake in places where even angels walk single file. Their drivers behave like graduates of the “Pirates of the Caribbean School of Motoring” — no rule, no lane, no conscience. A mushika-shika driver will accelerate at the smell of a pedestrian and only brake when reminded of his ancestors. When they see a police checkpoint, they do not slow down; they enter a different dimension.
And yet, we ask why Zimbabwe loses over US$400 million a year to road carnage? Honourable Minister, mushika-shika is basically a mobile hole through which money, lives, and sanity leak out.
Then we have kombis — our national contribution to global chaos. Kombis move with the aggression of cornered hyenas and the confidence of politicians holding a microphone. Their unwritten motto is simple: overtake something — anything — even if it is not moving. If a kombi driver finds himself behind a wheelbarrow, he will still attempt an overtake manoeuvre that defies physics and insults gravity.
Ask a kombi about timetables and you will discover they operate on a schedule only prophets understand. Passenger manifest? The closest they have is a list of excuses rehearsed for the next police stop:
“Officer, todzoka tichikuonai.”
Meanwhile, other nations have moved on from prehistoric transport systems. Rwanda banned informal taxis and moved to precise, timetabled buses that obey the law like soldiers. Botswana enforces regulations without blinking. Ethiopia dumped chaotic minibuses for organized fleets. Even South Africa, with all its problems, manages a regulated e-hailing system that Zimbabwean drivers treat like witchcraft.
But here we are — proudly maintaining a system where kombis overtake funerals.
Allow me, then, to propose reforms before we all become roadkill:
Let buses run on strict timetables. Let kombis retire with dignity and tell their grandchildren stories of the days they terrorised Avenue streets.
Replace pirate taxis with fully regulated e-hailing cabs that use GPS, not spiritual intuition, to find routes.
Make intercity buses operate like airlines: proper manifests, seat allocation, and speed monitoring — not this current “the Lord is my cruise control” arrangement.
Equip the Highway Patrol with real teeth: high-speed pursuit vehicles, breathalysers, dash cams, and officers who enforce laws without asking drivers where they worship.
And please — let ambulance licensing include one mandatory stationed ambulance per highway point, not these operators who respond from town as if they are sending a bicycle messenger.
Zimbabwe is not cursed. We are simply operating a transport system designed by people who don’t want to live long.
If we keep the kombi and mushika-shika culture, we might as well erect billboards at our borders proclaiming:
“Welcome to Zimbabwe: Drive Fast, Die Faster.”
But if we choose order, enforcement, and professional transport systems like Rwanda or Ethiopia, we may finally drive to work without updating our wills every morning.
Honourable Minister, please think about this — before the kombis bury us all and claim fuel for the funeral.
